


A Tale of Firebenders and Veggies

by Flute_Loops



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, VeggieTales
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Wendy's, cussing and there's a gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flute_Loops/pseuds/Flute_Loops
Summary: veggie tales and atla crossover au, larry and zuko have a chat and disagreements about life
Relationships: Larry the Cucumber & Bob the Tomato, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 53





	A Tale of Firebenders and Veggies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrisonerOfDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrisonerOfDreams/gifts).



> yo im so sorry

The raccoon pounced, clawing at every inch of Zuko’s face. He couldn’t see, hell, he could barely think. All could feel in that moment was the pain of the claws on his face.

“I’m having an affair.”

“What the fuck.”

Startled, Zuko quickly takes notice of the large green humanoid in front of him. He almost looks like… a cucumber? He’d definitely seen some strange things, but a talking cucumber was a first.

“Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s,” the cucumber continues, snapping Zuko back to reality. Well of course he knows that, he comes here every Wednesday. Nothing beats Wendy’s burgers.

“Yeah??” He snaps back, “I’ll have my regular please.”

The vegetable looks unusually appalled by this simple request.

“I’ve literally never seen you before,” he insists, “what do you want?”

Fine, Zuko doesn’t have time for this shit. He just wants to get his burger and leave, not deal with this annoying sentient produce.

“Just get me a junior bacon cheeseburger please,” he says in his best approximation of a friendly tone, “I’ve had a bad day.”

“Sorry, that's only for nine year olds,” the cucumber says, “you have to be exactly nine.”

Okay, this is bullshit. Pure. Fucking. Bullshit. He’s gotten this same meal every week for the past five years and never once before has anything like this happened. Just who does this bastard think he is?

“You want to fight???” Zuko spits in the vegetable’s face.

“Yeah, meet me in the parking lot,” he coolly says, “oh, and bring a katana.” Ooh, he wants to wipe that smug fucking grin right off of his anatomically perplexing and completely implausible face.

“I’ll bring my dual swords, thanks.” He fires back.

“Do you even know how to use those?” The audacious veggie jeers.

“Do you even know how to do your job?” He responds in a mocking tone. Surprisingly, the cucumber’s smirk drops and his cheeks tinge a strange shade of teal.

“Um,” the cucumber stammers, “okay you can’t tell anybody.” 

Interesting. 

“How did you get in here?” Zuko inquires.

“I’m on the run,” the vegetable responds, “I killed an employee for this uniform.” Okay, that doesn’t exactly answer his question, but it’s an intriguing development nonetheless.

“What if I’m on the run, too?” Zuko prods. Luckily, the cucumber seems to relax at this.

“Oh shit, you too?” He sighs.

“I said ‘what if’,” Zuko responds stoically.

“Wait,” the cucumber's eyes narrow, “what’s your name?” Oh god he actually thinks Zuko is a criminal, what has he gotten himself into?

“Who wants to know?” Zuko carefully says, maintaining his poker face.

“Me.” Well if it's that personal…

“What’s _your_ name, hmm?”

“… Cucumber”

Oh come on, there’s no way that’s his real name. Two can play at this game.

“My name is Lee,” he fibs.

“Lee was the man I was hired to kill,” Cucumber hisses. Zuko mentally facepalms.

“Oh well my name’s not actually Lee haha”

“Now hold on, you can’t just-“

“I’m on the run so that’s my disguise name, it’s because my real name is so well known.” Zuko makes up. Well, it’s actually part true, the Fire Lord is pretty famous after all.

“JACKIE CHAN???” Cucumber excitedly shouts in his face. Jeez, he’s so off base it’s actually funny. 

“Close, but no.”

“JACK BLACK!”

“Warmer.”

“JACK. NOIR.” Okay this is just getting ridiculous.

“No, I’m Jack Kelly,” he sarcastically references his favorite musical.

“Who?”

“Fuck you.”

“Musicals suck.”

“You suck.

“That’s not even a good insult.”

“Okay fine my name isn’t Jack. I don’t even have a name.”

“How is that even possible?” Okay yeah that lie was pretty shitty.

“My father took it from me as a child and then I was banished.” He’ll just string this ridiculous lie along, why not. The vegetable seems pretty gullible, this could be fun.

"That wasn’t very nice of him,” Cucumber frowns, “where did he hide it? It’s probably behind your ear.”

“I don’t know where it is, I can only get it back once I’ve captured some loser named Cucumber and turned him in.” 

Realization dawns on Cucumber’s face.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck, I gotta run.” This is so stupid but so hilarious. I mean that’s basically the fic. Stupid but hilarious, hopefully. Goddammit Zuko needs to stop breaking the fourth wall. What's going on? Cucumber is gone but he’s left a trail of… dildos??? Okay this is getting really weird now. Probably because one of the authors was extremely tired when this fic was written via Tumblr instant messaging, but dammit she is committing to this fucking story, and spending two hours of her vacation writing a fucking veggietales/atla fanfiction is part of that commitment.

...By this point, Zuko and Cucumber are fully tired out after that exciting chase scene that definitely just occurred, and are just sitting down in the restaurant, exchanging conversation between sips of wine from the hidden Wendy’s alcohol stash.

“I lied to you actually,” the vegetable confesses, “My full name is actually Larry Cucumber.”

“nO how could you lie to me like that?” Zuko cries, emotionally and physically exhausted.

“Yes, bob, yes.” Larry giggles, “that’s right, I know your true identity. You can’t hide from me, Bob!”

“I’m not Bob, I’m Prince Zuko!” He doesn’t even care about hiding his name anymore, what’s the point?

“Hey- hey why are you in a Wendy’s?”

“Pfff to get a junior bacon cheeseburger, obbbviously.” Honestly, some people just lack basic common sense.

“Why are _you_ at a Wendy’s?”

“Bro I already told you I’m on the run,” Larry scoffs, “and here’s your cheeseburger, it's kinda cold and a little hard though.” He gasps. “THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!” the cucumber shouts before dissolving into a fit of wild laughter.

“Ugh, I’m going home.” Zuko’s had enough of this, plus he’s gonna have a _wicked_ hangover tomorrow. Larry is babbling again, something about Christianity and… is he singing?

“If you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile, if- fuck whats the next lyric?”

“Waltz with potatoes.” Zuko offers, hands pressed into his eyes as if that will wake him up from this ridiculous dream. Larry is still singing that song as Zuko walks over to the exit.

“I have a kingdom to run, I can’t humor you anymore. Bye, Larry.” He grabs the door handle and the temperature in the restaurant seems to drop several degrees. Zuko turns around and Larry’s stare burns directly into his gaze.

“Do you want to learn about Christianity in a fun, animated form or not?” Jesus fuck, when did he get so tall? And so close??

“You don’t have a choice, Zuko.” Larry towers over him and when he (somehow) snaps, every door and window closes and shutters.

“You will stay here forever.”

“Oh no.”

“‘Oh no’ is right, Zuko.”

“Larry, why are you doing this?” That question, seemingly unordinary, triggers Larry to start bursting with tears for some reason. He starts sobbing about how his best friend left and his life went downhill, which, okay, Zuko doesn’t seem to be in danger anymore so maybe he can try to help.

“Is this what God would have wanted you to do?”

“God is dead.” Oh no.

“I am God now.” shit.

“This is my cult.” fuck.

“You can’t leave.” shitfuckshitfuckshitfuckshit.

“Soon I will take over the world, and everyone will bow down to Larry the Cucumber.”

“Don’t make me use the power of friendship that I learned from the Avatar,” you threaten.

“Friendship means nothing, all friends do is abandon you.” Welp, if friendship won’t work…

“Firebending then? I can light you on fire.”

“I’m a cucumber, I’m practically invincible.” What? That makes absolutely no sense.

“Okay, Larry-boy.”

“DO NOT CALL ME THAT, LARRYBOY WAS WEAK AND PATHETIC. YOU PREACH FRIENDSHIP, BUT ALL FRIENDSHIP GOT ME WAS TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.”

“BUT YOU CAN CHANGE!” Zuko is pleading now, as much as he hates to admit it he’s grown attached to this cucumber and really does want to help him. “I WAS ONCE LIKE YOU, LARRY. I WAS ANGRY AND DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS RIGHT. MY OWN _FATHER_ WAS AGAINST ME.”

“I NEVER HAD A FATHER, I’M A GODDAMN CUCUMBER!”

“LARRY YOU MOTHERFUCKER, LISTEN TO ME! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!” They’re both crying now, tears falling messily onto the dirty linoleum of the Wendy’s dining area.

“But it _does_. The world is a cruel place, unforgiving and harsh. Friendship, kindness, all useless.”

“No it's not, and you wouldn’t think that if you had seen a single episode of mlp in your entire life.”

“I… I used to love that show. It’s been so long… what’s happened to me?” If we were viewing this fic from Larry’s POV, he would be having a very sad and emotionally moving flashback right now. Unfortunately, this is a locked POV. Too bad, I'm sure you would have cried at the sheer beauty of the prose I didn’t write. I'm such a good author, wow.

“You lost your best friend,” Zuko says with a hand gently resting on Larry’s back, “You need to find Bob again, make it right with him.

“Yeah, I… I miss him a lot. Could you hold my incorporeal hand while I call him?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. You’re doing a very brave thing, Larry.” Zuko watches Larry dial the number and, after explaining who he is, just listen to the phone for several minutes. His facial expression keeps changing, from surprise to grief to anger before settling into his normal expression.

“Zuko, Bob is dead.” he chokes out. What? No! What of Larry’s character arc? It was so perfect! Zuko steadies himself against one of the tables.

“He was murdered by a man named Zuko.” No, that can’t be true. Zuko would never do that, he would _remember_ killing a sentient tomato! He needs some sort of alibi.

“.......Wow i suddenly cannot find my name anywhere!” 

Oh, he is so dead.

“Haha funny coincidence, didn’t realize Zuko was such a popular name!” Zuko mentally thanks every god to ever exist for Larry’s oversight.

“Anyways, it's been nice meeting you, Larry, I’ll just be-”

“Hold on just a second Zuko, I have something for you! It’s just under the counter…”

  


“Here it is! Eat my glock, Zuko!”

The next thing he knows, Zuko is lying face down on the floor while blood pours out of a hole through his chest, and Larry is eating a slice of pizza above him.

“Tell… tell my husband I love him…” Zuko weakly begs.

“Who the heck is your husband? Actually, I don't care. I am home of phobic.” Larry gloats.

“Wait… are there tomatoes on that pizza?”

“...”

“You know what they say, two can keep a secret...”

“If one of them is dead!” Zuko yells with a leap, shouting out, “CATCH THIS, LARRY!” as he firebends towards the veggie. Then Larry fucking turned into a pile of ash because he was LYING about being immortal and then SOKKA showed up and was all like “yeah babe u got that fucking cucumber” and then they went home and larry stayed dead forever THE FUCKING END

  
  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Larry's Lil' Adventure to Wisconsin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25173253) by [just_keymash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_keymash/pseuds/just_keymash)




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